this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
