Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
