whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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