Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
