how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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