Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
