You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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