I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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