I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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