she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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