I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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