Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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