I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
