Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
