My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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