I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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