Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
