my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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