Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
