this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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