i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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