Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
