So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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