Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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