Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
