I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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