I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize