Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
