the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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