I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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