I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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