FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
