did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
