I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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