I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you mean i was at the winter classic?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
