So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize