i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
