It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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