not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
