She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
