Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
