Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we're so committed to being not committed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
