Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
