i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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