glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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