I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
