I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
smell my finger.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
