I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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