I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
