the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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