cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
