Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
