We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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