just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
