Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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