sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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