I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
tell me about the fingering
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