i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
