yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
