I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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