Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
