How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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