I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
