Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Life is so much better after having sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
