it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
