i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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