Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
