I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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