Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
