At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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