The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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