I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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