i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
