Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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