You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
