I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We got so high we made milksteak
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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