saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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